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Santa Fe Tourism's Margarita Trail logo.

Ever since Santa Fe Tourism announced The Margarita Trail, there's been just one question, best asked in Kylo Ren's helmet voice, on everyone's mind:

The map. Where is it?

Now it has arrived, in all its citrusy salty boozy glory: The Santa Fe Margarita Trail [cue choir of angels].

Only possible improvement would be if BB-8 had delivered the file but hey let's not quibble.

The Cinco de Mayo start date fast approaches. From then on, you'll be able to purchase a trail passport (like a real tourist!) for $3 and begin your hunt for stamps and discounted drinks and prizes (like the best tourist!). You can read through the logistics here.

But you didn't come here for logistics. This is the internet, and in the spirit of the almighty substance-free listicle, we in the Mitote Dept. are proud to hereby present our ranking of the 31 specialty margaritas on offer. The criterion goes no farther than a gut-feel first impression of these signature drinks' names. As is custom, this list is both aggressively uninformed and unimpeachable.

GOTTA TRY IT:

1. Eldorado Oro Margarita, The Agave Lounge. Comes with a snowball and a Coke!

2. Los Lucero's Margarita, Maria's. It's Maria's!

3. Prickly Pear Margarita, Rancho de Chimayo Restaurante. It's hot pink!

4. Sandia & Pepino Margarita, Anasazi. Watermelon is good!

5. Peso de Plata Margarita, Blue Corn. Something tells me this will leave you plastered!

6. Norteño Margarita, Coyote Rooftop Cantina. Points for local pandering!

7. Chimayóso Margarita, Low N' Slow. It's near The New Mexican!

8. Desert Bloom Margarita, Georgia. Atmospheric!

9. Bell Ringer Margarita, The Bell Tower at La Fonda. Points for explicit reference to potency!

10. Smoked Sage Margarita, Secreto. Points for originality!

PROMISING:

11. Don Rael Margarita, La Fiesta Lounge at La Fonda. Good for Don!

12. Tequila Mockingbird Margarita, Derailed. Puns!

13. Strawberry-Jalapeno Margarita, Luminaria. You had my curiosity now you have my attention!

14. Roca Coin Margarita, The Shed. Good luck getting a reservation in the summer!

15. Roca Bonita Margarita, La Choza. I can dig it!

16. Margarita L'Amanta, Osteria D'Assisi. It's for lovers!

17. Sangre de Cristo Sunset Margarita, Alto Bar. Scenery you can drink!

18. Centennial Margarita, La Plazuela at La Fonda. Time flies!

19. Amaya Jalapeno Margarita, Amaya at Hotel Santa Fe. If spicy beverages are your thing!

20. Betty's Smoking Jalapeno Margarita, Terra Barr at the Four Seasons. Who is this wild Betty and why is she smoking jalapenos!

21. Cowgirl Cadillac Margarita, Cowgirl BBQ. The Escalade of cocktails!

I'LL GET AROUND TO IT:

22. MadChile Margarita, Mine Shaft Tavern. It's in Madrid!

23. Juliarita Margarita, The Staab House Bar at La Posada. It's named after a ghost!

24. 1694 Margarita, Ortiz at the Hilton. Easily a top 10 year of the 1690s!

25. Buffalo Thunder Margarita, Iguana Cafe and Cantina. It's blue!

26. Il Pista Basilica Margarita, Pranzo Italian Grill. I'm running out of comments!

27. High Mesa Blood Orange Margarita, Santa Fe Bar & Grill. It's at DeVargas!

28. Santacafé Chipotle Margarita, Santacafé. It's eponymous!

29. Tomasita's Gold Coin Margarita, Tomasita's. So is this!

30. Sunset Trail Margarita, Agoyo Lounge. Sounds a little generic but what do I know!

31. Santa Fe Trail Margarita, Del Charro Saloon. This will be ~60% of tourists' first taste!

And now to, you know, try them all.

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