Arboristry was his passion and profession. To cap off his day, Roberto took evening strolls in Santa Fe’s idyllic historic district. He loved that magic hour when, low on the horizon, the summer sun bathed the adobe homes in a warm peachy color.
One evening, an unusually large, old apricot tree filled with golden apricots caught the arborist’s attention. In a vacant lot, it was flanked by two grand homes that appeared abandoned. Intrigued, Roberto waded through a jungle of overgrown weeds for a closer look, wondering if perchance the property was for sale.
At the foot of the tree, he encountered a small marble headstone engraved, “In Loving Memory of Tìa Rosario.” When he realized he was standing on sepultural ground, his interest in purchasing the property ground to a screeching halt.
Some weeks later, Roberto attended a friend’s vernissage at a gallery on Canyon Road. Upon entering, he instinctively headed to the wine and cheese table. While the bartender uncorked a bottle of Gruet wine, Roberto stabbed several cubes of cheese with a toothpick and neatly stacked them over the Genoa salami on his plate.
Turning to admire the artwork, he collided with a short, middle-aged brunette sporting a Beatles haircut. She wore a heavy necklace with a disproportionately large turquoise cabochon framed by a plethora of silver squash blossoms. Her piercing eyes, bright red lipstick, and long red nails made him think of vampires.
”Oh, excuse me!” Roberto exclaimed, barely saving his cheese tower from collapse. “Hi, I’m Alex,” the bejeweled woman said in a smoky voice. “Are you an artist?”
“No, I’m an arborist.” Roberto replied, shoving a slice of salami into his mouth. Puffing out her chest as if to make herself taller, she proudly declared, “I’m a real-estate broker!”
What a Napoleanic complex, thought Roberto. Sensing a potential buyer, Alex began to reminisce about an old apricot tree on a family property. Roberto’s ears pricked up like a dog hearing a whistle.
Taking a sip of her wine, she complained, “Aye Dios, it’s been in the family since foreverrr!” Roberto answered, “I know that tree. Tell me, is Tìa Rosario buried there?”
Alex let out a squeaky giggle that sounded like Alvin the Chipmunk and replied, “Her urn is three feet under, we kept her en familia.”
Roberto was relieved Tìa Rosario wasn’t fertilizing the tree. Then Alex, looking him squarely in the eyes, asked, “Wanna buy it?”
The vampire broker continued, “She’s Doña del Albaricoquero, the apricot tree guardian! I’m happy to relocate her. Are you interested?”
The arborist inadvertently twitched, causing his cheese tower to topple over and disperse on the floor. Now, both annoyed and hungry, Roberto replied, “Nah, I’m partial to apple trees.”
Letting out a resentful sniff, Alex moved on to her next prey.
— Use proper fertilizer for your trees
— Honor your ancestors
— Take evening walks for your health
— Bury loved ones in the backyard
— Wear chunky jewelry if you’re short
— Do outdated haircuts
Stefania Masoni has been a feng shui master for over 20 years with clients all over the world. Currently, she is a broker at Santa Fe Properties, through her knowledge of feng shui finds buyers great homes and assists sellers in preparing their properties for smooth closings. See www.masonifengshuistudio.com or call 505-906-1600.