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Living with Children: Parents can only correct so much

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JOHN ROSEMOND

Living With Children

Posted: Friday, March 14, 2014 7:00 pm | Updated: 12:58 am, Sat Mar 15, 2014.

Question: My 6-year-old son is a bright and friendly kindergartner. Each day, a color-coded chart is sent home about his behavior. This year, he’s gone through several spells during which he will have a “bad color” for several days in a row. Each time this occurs, we punish him by not allowing him to play soccer, sending him to bed early, confining him to his room for the evening or taking away TV, but none of this is having any long-term effect. The misbehavior — talking out of turn and not keeping his hands to himself — will happen for a few days, then stop for a week or two, then start happening again, and so on. Your advice?

Answer: Today’s parents have a “magical” belief in consequences. They believe that behavior modification (the manipulation of reward and punishment to “shape” behavior), used properly, will cure any behavior problem. When a behavior modification-based approach doesn’t work, the conclusion is either (a) it wasn’t used properly or (b) the child in question has a disorder that renders him immune to “normal discipline.”

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