Question: What can I do to have more confidence in myself and not care what other kids say about my looks?

Answer: First of all, it probably is unrealistic to hope that you could "not care what other kids say." We all want to be admired and liked. However, take into consideration who is making the criticism. What kind of people are they? Are they trying only to make you feel bad, or are they well-meaning friends? Good friends might suggest trying different clothes or a different hairstyle. That may be OK, but a friend who criticizes a person's physical attributes (like being too thin or having acne) most likely is not a friend at all, and not the kind of person one needs for a friend.

Of course the more your "friends" criticize you, the less confidence you will have. Your self-esteem will suffer and you may become discouraged. When that happens, some people stop trying. Also, it is important that you not give into the temptation to do things because you're angry or lonely. Sometimes teenagers will seek out the company of other teenagers even though they may not be the kind of friends they really want (such as, "druggies," drop-outs, gang members).

You should discuss your dilemma with a trusted adult (teachers, counselor, relative). I know, parents always tend to say you're "great," so you may need feedback from people other than your mom or dad.

Make a list of all the good things you like about yourself. Divide this list into three sections:

• u Great
• u Good
• u OK

Then make a list of things about yourself that you don't like. Take the two lists to the trusted adult you've chosen to talk to and compare how close the two of you agree and disagree about your list. You probably will find that your feelings about yourself are far worse than other people's impressions of you. Many teens (especially girls) have a bad "self-image." That is, they think they are not as good of a person as they really are. This is also true of their appearance. I have had as patients, some very beautiful and handsome young people, who truly thought they were unattractive and even ugly. I bet you also are wrong about yourself.

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