Teen years are filled with adversity: School work, romantic relationships, personal insecurities and peer pressure are just a few of the struggles high-school students face. On top of all that, many teens have to deal with their parents getting divorced.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's National Center for Health Statistics, nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. These divorces not only affect the couple, but their children as well.

Sometimes divorce can affect teens negatively but in some situations divorce can be the best course of action.

Nancy Schmitz, a counselor at Presbyterian Medical Services Teen Health Center at Capital High School said that's usually the case when the parents' relationship turns violent.

"Sometimes there's such an irreconcilable situation — fighting, yelling and hitting — that ... it's a relief for them for their parents to divorce," Schmitz said.

"I didn't want my parents to fight anymore," said teen Silas Bartels, whose parents divorced. "I still think it was the best choice in their situation."

Many times, the fighting and tense environment leading up to divorce can affect the teen more than the parents living away from each other, Bartels said. Schmitz said that a tense environment can cause a teen to not want to be noticed.

"They usually become very, very quiet or they run away," Schmitz said. "It depends on the kids themselves, but usually they try to become invisible ... they go to their room and don't speak to anybody."

"I stayed pretty much the same. Maybe a little more shy because I found it easier to avoid awkward topics if I didn't talk at all," Bartels said about the way his parents' divorce affected his behavior. The effects can also be more negative than shyness.

"I kind of started taking the divorce to my advantage, like telling one parent I would just go to the other parent's house if I didn't get my way," Sam Pierson said. "I think that was very wrong on my part."

Sometimes a divorce can bring up unexpected emotions. One Monte del Sol student who wished to remain anonymous said, "My behavior changed a little bit. I would get in more trouble with my dad than my mom because he was always the easy-going parent. I would end up getting upset at other kids and hit them, but nothing too horrible."

Perhaps one of the most pressing questions is whether divorce will later affect teens' personal relationships.

"Sometimes they are more skeptical, more reluctant about entering into a relationship," said local psychiatrist Ellen Lefkowitz. "Other times, the children of divorce vow to never let it happen to them and become stalwart and persevering about their relationships."

On the opposing side, Bartels said, "I see that some relationships work and others don't; that's just the way of things."

Another negative aspect of divorce is that
a child or teen may lose contact with one of the parents.

"I've lived with my mom my whole life and hardly hear from my father," Josh Keeler remarked.

Many psychologists have their own ideas on how divorce affects teens. "It's usually very upsetting," Schmitz said. "It's a breakup of the family, and the teen doesn't know what's going to happen to them. It's a disruption in their life — an enormous disruption."

Lefkowitz said that she can't generalize about how a divorce can impact a teen's life but does say no matter how it does, they should leave room for grieving.

"One of the most important ideas regarding divorce, for the parents as well as the children, is the concept of loss and the capacity to mourn," Lefkowitz said. "Generally, mourning and sadness and grieving are things that our culture attempts to deny," but it is important to help healing.

Teens who have experienced divorce recommend that others facing the same situation look to friends, family and school councilors to help. "Try not to let it get to you so much because your parents love you," said the Monte del Sol teen. "I'm sure you love them both."

"Life does go on," Schmitz said. Teens need to realize "they're not the cause of the divorce, ever, and they should seek help someplace where they are just able to talk about things."



Kaeleigh Stengle is a sophomore at
St. Michael's High School. You can reach her at kaeleighstengle@earthlink.net.