'Era una' dark and stormy night
11/2/2009
"Bueno m'hijo," said Grampo Caralampio as he sprinkled some punche onto a piece of rolling paper. He paused to spread it evenly and then lo lambió all along the edge with his tongue. He lit el cigarrito pero not before he took some Tums® para sus acedillas. Cruzó la pata and with his legs crossed comfortably he began:
"Once upon a time en los tiempos de más antes, there was a man who got stranded en el medio de un deserted road. The night was dark y toda stormy. No había nada, not even another carro passing by. It was starting to get dark porque el sol ya se había metido. When suddenly; de repente, he could make out the shape of un carro viejo coming slowly down the caminito. It was moving muuuy despacito, as if wanting to pick him up. Pus, el hombre got into the car quickly, grateful to rest porque estaba muy cansão. And el carro continuó to go down the road." Grampo paused to take a puff from the cigarrito que había roleão.
Canutito shifted around on the park bench wanting to know quién era que had picked up the tired man. "¿Quién lo pepenó, Grampo?" he asked.
"Pus, I'll tell you," replied his Grampo. "The man turned para el driver's seat to thank the man que iba arreando pero but do you know what? There was nobody there. El carro was driving itself! El hombre got all paralizão with fright, sure that he was being driven in a haunted car. '¡Ave María Purísima!' he exclaimed, and he made a sign of the cross con su thumb and index finger, thrusting it over to the unseen driver and yelling '¡Póngote las cruces!' Pero el carro just kept on going of its own accord."
Canutito rubbed his arms de escalofrío. Tenía goose bumps all over.
"Just then," blurted out his Grampo suddenly, "he noticed that there was a big ole vuelta en el camino and a steep drop just beyond it. He was sure que se iba a requear. He began to pray, aclamando a los dulces nombres. Pero el carro just kept on moving. Suddenly, una mano came in through la ventana and grabbed the steering wheel. The mano turned the steering wheel just in time y el carro made the vuelta safely. But then la mano desapareció just as quickly as it had come through the window. El hombre was so frightened that he almost made pupu el los calzones.
"Entonces," continued his Grampo, "he saw another curva coming up the road. Again he got all nervioso but the phantom hand came por la ventana otra vez and saved him. Finally the car slowed down just por un momentito, and the man se las peló out of there so fast que ni el polvito se le veía. He ran into un restaurante that was just down the road and he sank into a chair, yelling, '¡Agua! ¡Agua! ¡Denme agua!' Y los otros there could see that he was in dire straits."
"Who had been driving el carro, Grampo?" asked Canutito, now more frightened than ever. "Was it un fantasma? Was it a bruja? Was it La Llorona?"
Grampo Caralampio paused to put out the spent bacha del cigarrito. He popped otro Tums® in his mouth and then he said, "Pus, it was just like uno de esos programas del Twilight Zone.
"In any case, just as the tired old hitch hiker was telling the amigos en el restaurante what had happened, two men walked through the door, también all out of breath. They both looked como si habían estado puffing real hard. One of them peered deeply into the place and then he nudged al otro. 'Oye Pepo,' he whispered as he pointed over to the tired hitch hiker. 'Isn't that guy over there el tarugo who jumped into the broken down car que you and me were pushing'?
I tell you, m'hijo, there are tontos and then there are tontos especialmente at this time of the year..."
¿Le gustaría compartir sus anécdotas sobre su vida Spanglish con Torres o comentar con él sobre esta columna? Envíele un correo electrónico a lartor@unm.edu