A slap 17 years ago was the beginning of a wake-up call for Ray Lopez, a man who is now leading workshops on understanding violence.

Lopez had never hit any of his children before he struck his 3-year-old son many years ago. Lopez no longer recalls what the boy did to provoke such a reaction. But he does remember what his wife told him: Get help. Immediately.

Many years and many therapy sessions later, Lopez has started the Creative Nonviolence Project at the Santa Fe Rape Crisis and Trauma Treatment Center. The Nonviolence Project begins today with its first workshop in a series of 12 that are designed to help men begin to address the violence they perpetrate and also the violence committed by others.

The workshops grew from the Men's Leadership Council at the Rape Crisis Center, which Lopez has been attending since he began studying for a social work degree in 2005. The workshops cost $10 to attend. The first one, titled "Abandoned by Wolves and Raised by My Parents," will focus on the nature of violence in the family.

"It became apparent to me that all the laws are on the books. The cops are doing their jobs. The therapists are doing their jobs," Lopez said. "Now it's time for the men in this community to step up."

Lopez said the workshops will feature no therapists — just regular guys talking about their backgrounds and about the types of violence in their lives and in the community. Lopez said he isn't going to lecture. Instead, he'll share his story, which involves that slap 17 years ago. There will be no women at the workshops.

"What (men) will learn is that they have the inherent skills within themselves to deal with their problems," Lopez said. "I think a lot of it is denial. You look up to your father; he sets the rules. Going back can be very painful, and who wants to face traumatic pain? That's why it has to be approached in a nonjudgmental way."

Barbara Goldman, director of the Rape Crisis and Trauma Treatment Center, said Lopez's effort is the first of its kind at the center, although they've wanted to have such a group for many years.

"This is completely revolutionary for us," she said. "I would like to see some paradigm shifts. I would like the men who come through these workshops to look at the women in the world and the children differently and, once they do their own soul searching, to find a way to externalize it in the community."

Other workshops include "Crazy Eights," which will examine the relationship between depression and anger, and "Male Privilege and Violence." Lopez said he also plans to dedicate one workshop to writing songs or poems, which was inspired by one of his favorite songs, "Help!" by the Beatles.

Lopez said the workshops will be filled with pieces of advice his wife has been giving him for years.

Contact Natalie Storey at 986-3026 or nstorey@sfnewmexican.com.

IF YOU GO

• What: The Creative Nonviolence Project
• Who: The Rape Crisis and Trauma Treatment Center, local men
• When: A dozen Wednesdays, from 7 to 9 p.m.
• Where: Rape Crisis and Trauma Treatment Center, 6601 Valentine Way
• Cost: $10, scholarships available