Food allergies are the new black. All the cool kids have them. I, for example, recently discovered that I'm not supposed to eat wheat, dairy or eggs (i.e., food). But if one has to be gluten-sensitive, lactose-intolerant or otherwise food-disabled, now is a good time. Why humans suddenly discover that food staples that kept them alive for millennia are now poisoning them is a mystery, but I blame toxins. I blame toxins for most things.

Luckily, there has been an explosion of products in the last few years that cater to those of us who can't eat everything, but who like our indulgences — dairy-free ice cream, wheat-free cake, gluten-free beer, etc.

But Italian comfort food stymies even the craftiest alternative cooks.

I've been watching The Sopranos. I won't go into how great the show is, or how backward it is that I'm just now starting to watch it. I will say, though, that they eat an awful lot of lasagna and baked ziti in every single Sopranos episode. There's ziti at weddings (occasional), there's ziti at funerals (frequent); the show makes it look like the Italian-American equivalent of tuna casserole. By the end of an episode, ziti is all I want (which is why I shouldn't watch late-night infomercials, not that I don't love my food dehydrator). Unfortunately, I'm allergic to wheat, dairy and eggs — all of which are essential to good baked ziti.

Italian food is often composed of many rich flavors free of dairy, including fish, shellfish, herbs, spices, sausage, rich tomato sauces, wine, herbs, olive oil, etc. These ingredients are the building blocks of Italian flavor, and, if consumed correctly, will not give you a heart attack. Most individuals, however, tend to cover these ingredients with cheese and put them atop piles of pasta. The Chinese may have invented the noodle, but the Italians invented putting cheese on it, which, in my opinion, is when the noodle really came into its own.

The usual recipes for baked ziti and lasagna involve pasta combined with a meat tomato sauce, possibly vegetables or mushrooms and definitely massive amounts of cheese.

It's like the down comforter of foods. If I could climb into a bed of baked ziti, wrap myself up in the cheesy goodness, and go to sleep, I would. But I can't. I'm allergic.

The first conundrum is the cheese. Strictly speaking, there is no dairy-free replacement for the kind of gooey mozzarella that binds Italian baked pastas together. I like tofu cream cheese on a bagel, and if you want something on a cracker, tofu cheese can be mildly satisfying — in a cardboard sort of way. A few baked zitis later, I discovered that you cannot, in fact, melt tofu. This should have been obvious, but I thought that maybe modern science had put at least as much attention into creating melt-able vegan cheese as they did into developing cheese that could be squeezed from a can. I was wrong, which tells you something about modern science's priorities. And diet. The final verdict: the tofu cheese can be OK layered in the middle of the lasagna/ziti, but when placed on top, instead of melting, it turned into a strange, hardened casserole toupée. I don't recommend it. I have also tried it with the addition of nutritional yeast to approximate the flavor of cheese.

The pasta is not as big of an issue. There are three gluten-free pastas that can be found reliably at natural grocery stores in Santa Fe: brown-rice pasta, Jerusalem artichoke pasta and quinoa pasta.

All three of these pastas handle baking well. But you can also try some alternative Italian starches, including polenta, risotto and potatoes. Your dish of polenta layered with tofu cheese and stellar meat sauce will look a lot like lasagna or baked ziti, but it may require some explanation if brought to a cocktail party. That isn't to say you can't have your gooey Italian comfort food and eat it too, but I encourage you to experiment a bit first before hauling your dish to a potluck — lest you give food allergies and food-allergy sufferers an even worse reputation.

Dishes adjusted for diet sensitivities can be quite delicious if executed properly, and dairy-free comfort food is a great way to treat that special someone in your life who may be on a diet or have high cholesterol.

But if you should accidentally make a tasteless or questionably textured dish, make sure you serve it to someone in the food-development business.

Perhaps they'll get the hint about the cheese thing.