Gas prices are high because I am fat.

Little Paulo in the Philippines doesn't have rice to eat today because I am fat.

People are dying of malaria because I am fat.

My fatness is destroying the world.

These are the conclusions of a study done by the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine, which has determined that obese people are partially to blame for global warming.

The researchers figured out that obese people — like me — consume 18 percent more calories than average.

Because I am fat, my car has to use more gas to cart around my extra weight. And because I eat more food, farmers have to produce more crops, which means they use more fuel, which then increases the price of food for all. So, children in developing countries can't afford to buy rice.

All because I am fat.

The solution to global warming and saving the planet is simple, says Phil Edwards, one of the co-authors of the study, during a Reuters interview. The government must promote "urban transport policies" that encourage people to walk, he said.

Edwards and his team are not the first to suggest the world is coming to an end because of obesity. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the World Health Organization and the American Public Health Association all connect obesity to climate change. They estimate that more than 160,000 people die each year from malaria and malnutrition, which is partially caused by global warming, which is partially caused by excess greenhouse gas emissions, which is partially caused by obesity.

"We are all becoming heavier, and it is a global responsibility," Edwards said.

This summer's hit movie, Wall-E, goes one step further in connecting obesity with global destruction.

The movie is set in a future where consumerism and waistlines are out of control, turning the world into one big garbage dump. To survive, humans have to leave Earth aboard huge ships, where they become too fat to walk and eat "cupcakes-in-a-cup." You know, like in heaven.

These cartoon fat people — who let machines do everything because they are too caught up in their TVs to think — resemble babies, both intellectually and physically.

But I stopped paying attention to the movie at that point because I'm fat and not too smart so I couldn't follow the plot. I think there was a robot or something. All I want to know is where can I get that cupcake-in-a-cup thing? Yumm-E!

The biggest problem with the movie and the aforementioned scientific studies is that both promote "fat" stereotypes.

In Wall-E, the labels are as easy to see as the magical work of Pixar: Fat equals stupid, lazy, helpless and weak.

In the scientific studies, the stereotyping is more insidious. To support their theory, the researchers at the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine made some broad assumptions about obese people: that they don't exercise; that genetics aren't much of a factor in their health; and that they aren't doing enough to lose weight. But that is just another way of saying lazy, weak-willed and stupid.

Feeding the stereotype

Unfortunately, the "fat" stereotype is all around us, starting at the cradle.

Several studies from the 1990s found that 3-year-olds already were parroting the "fat is bad" mantra. By the time we reach the fourth grade, it is well-entrenched in our belief system.

Researchers reporting in the journal Obesity found that 9-year-old girls were already assuming fat people were sloppy, unhappy and friendless. And their parents perpetuated the labels, even though many were overweight themselves. Among the fathers, the better educated and wealthier they were, the more they pushed the fat stereotype.

It seems Santa Claus — a jolly, well-liked fat man — has become something of an anomaly.

Maybe this across-the-board societal acceptance of the "fat" stereotype explains why obesity has become down right funny. And now that scientists can prove that obese people are killing us all softly, we can only expect this trend to continue.

It is still off-limits to make fun of someone's gender or race — which cannot be controlled — but, as the success of Wall-E proves, fat jokes are in because the condition is seen as a lifestyle choice.

So does that mean it's fair game to tease everyone about their lifestyle choices?

Can I taunt homeless people because, after all, they can always go out and get a job? Can I mock heroin users and alcoholics because they can choose whether or not they will use again? And what about that girl in the office with the really big nose? She can totally get plastic surgery — so it's open season on her and her schnoz.

Now, that just leaves you.

What can I make fun of you for?